Opening Text and Prologue
A WARNING AND A STATEMENT
If you struggle with binging, self-harm, or any mental disabilities, you are not alone. This book handles some incredibly personal subject matter, containing scenes that born from my own struggles. With every description or depiction, my intent is purely to help. Whether it’s awareness or recognition, I believe these are things many face in their life. Art in all forms has helped me cope on a level I can’t really explain. In the end, my intent is to stay honest to my experience and hopefully make a book that I would’ve loved to read as a kid—a book that would’ve helped me heal in the end, no matter how hard it can be to get through the darkest times.
I offer hardships as a mean to grow. If the book is too familiar, too visceral, I just want you to know I get it. No matter how dark it gets, if you’re alive and you’re still trying—what more could you ask? Our little slivers of time that we get are incredibly finite, and thus infinitely precious. Being here means you’re literally doing your best.
My end goal is honesty and hope.
Let’s hope Derek can find some.
__________________________________________________
Oh, how the pieces move. I am certain, even now, you would have loved this tale. Do you see how the mirror-seeds grow? Are we all truly just a reflection?
It is confusing to know how one would act at the end of the world. We all have our assumptions, but dire times spring only beautiful tensions. Even now as I recount such harsh wonders, I find myself questioning...
Would I have trusted that ka feth cat?
__________________________________________________
Prologue
Does dark matter break physics?
Playlist: Studytime—don’t touch Derek!Atrix: The Son. Horus of the Hellsands.The world burned bright in the light of the Son’s creations.
High above the outer atmosphere of the planet known as Earth, a black mist swirled around its human vessel, watching the planet spin through this swath of totality. Along the planet’s surface, bright lights twinkled atop the shattered continents; countless sparks drifting on a night-time sea of ingenuity without interruption. All universes created in their time, such was a constant, but this cycle was new.
This world had been built while the Son was trapped.
The Son held his hand out, watching his vessel’s human skin crack and break in the heatless expanse called space. Beneath the skin, blood froze in blue pouches, the heat of the body having nowhere to go. Death was a beautiful necessity, and in its acceptance was the only road to peace.
But I am the beautiful universe, the Son thought, stretching his cracking skin. I am not held to such limitations.
With a flick of his fingers, the Son pulled on his core, feeling it pulse in the Dreamsheet—the dark expanse of thought. The vacuum of space rippled around him as black mist soaked into his into his body, rebuilding skin and bone. A flash of color pierced his mind as the mist filled him, sparkling like a rainbow, pulled from an unseen ocean of energy. Piece by piece, he built himself anew, keeping his human body alive.
Alive.
The Son snarled. Anger was a new sensation, one he did not know he could feel.
I am the beautiful universe, and they locked me in a jar.
In life his vessel Randall Prometheus had been prone to flashes of anger. In death his body remembered the impulse. The Son held a hand to his chest as the feeling surged through him.
Father said I could not feel.
He turned to the darkness of space, staring through the veils only he could see.
What else do I not know I can do?
As he turned back to the planet, he breathed in slowly to steady his body. Black mist churned around his head, creating oxygen from the need. Emotions or not, he still had his purpose. He would not be caught unawares again. The Son held out his hand, readied his mind, and focused on the now dead memories of Randall Prometheus.
The dark of space coalesced like sheets in the wind as they collapsed into a portal. The portal opened with a rip, folding the Tangible together.
Through the portal stood a secret boardroom, hidden deep in the mountains of the state known as “Montana”, housing the current paragons of human knowledge. The boardroom was a dome of metal and glass. Sunlight gleamed through the windows, bouncing off a monstrous wooden table at the center of the room. Statues lined the walls, each a testament to invention and discovery.
The Seeker’s Community. According to Randall Prometheus’s memories, The Seeker’s Community was the epicenter of learning, philosophy, religion, and invention in the current age. Rage boiled again. It was the Seeker’s Community which had driven Randall Prometheus to a life of solitude, always rejecting his wonderful discoveries—calling his claims of magic unsubstantiated drivel.
It was the perfect place to learn.
The boardroom was in session. Older men of all shapes sat around the boardroom table, held in a meeting to discuss the unknown black storm building now at the North Pole. Some argued it was to be studied, others argued it was providence, some declared it prophecy, and the rest simply said it was impossible.
The old men jolted up at the sight of the portal, screaming and pointing, kicking over chair and stool as they tried to run.
The Son floated forward. The world shifted around him as he moved through the portal from space to planet. Black mist coursed through his vessel, holding the sudden increase of gravity and velocity at bay.
“REJOICE, FOR YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN. WE WILL END THIS CYCLE ONCE AND FOR ALL.”
Black mist raged forward. The men collapsed. For being the brightest minds of humanity, they all screamed the same. Soon their screams turned to laughter, then to rage and wonder. Totality always had the same effect.
The men’s bodies filled with mist, collecting dream and energy. The Son grunted, faltering as he connected to their psyches. Weakness. He snarled. More rage. Before his capture in the jar, this gesture would have been but an afterthought.
Turning, the Son yanked his hands and threw the bodies through the portal behind him. They convulsed as they left the planet’s safety. Air expanded in their chests, bursting their lungs apart. It did not matter. He had their minds. Soon, he would have their secrets.
The Son stopped in the boardroom, his senses tingling.
Someone was watching him.
There, along the outside of the nearest windowsill, sat a rat in a white cloak with golden edges, his fur scraggly and brown. Tears flowed over the rat’s snout. Though he cried he was...smiling? The rat squeaked as the Son turned to him, bowing his head low. He raised his paws and a wall of sand shot up behind him, splattering against the windows. Thick letters of mud formed against the glass.
‘I HAVE YOU A GIFT.’
With a nod, the rat leapt away and disappeared into the foliage.
The Son stared as a new sensation burned in his chest.
Curiosity.
He gasped, knowing it instantly. It was the most dangerous feeling of all. Curiosity was the first of the forbidden emotions, as told by Elish Himself at the Son’s birth. Father had been very clear about it.
Curiosity was the end of peace, and the beginning of the end.
The Son stared at his hands, his body tensing, awaiting the oncoming danger.
But nothing happened.
A slight buzz whirred in the boardroom as the air conditioning kicked on.
Still nothing happened.
I do not understand.
The curiosity burned in his chest.
The Son turned back to the window, staring blankly at the message.
‘I HAVE YOU A GIFT.’
The Son tilted his head.
He’d never been given a gift before.
Horus screeched with glee as he raced into the cave. For days he’d been hiding away in it, merely on a guess. After witnessing Prometheus’s possession at the Battle of Dragon Mountain, there was only one place the mist would want to go. The Void would want power. Power required understanding of what there was to rule. What better place than the one Prometheus driveled about in his books?
And now it will be mine.
“He’s coming, he’s coming!” Horus screamed. He stood silhouetted in the cave’s mouth, proud of his works. “Gather the sacrifices!”
Two three-foot rodents with puffy bodies and long, rabbit-like ears leapt to attention. “Horus has returned! Gather the sacrifices!”
Horus’s entourage emerged from the shadows.
Akhenaten—the proud rat warrior with his gorilla-like body and bull-skull-helmet. He unslung a massive sickle off his back, flourishing it at the ready.
The oracle All Fathom Bez—a scraggly old rat wearing a red painted shawl wrapped tightly around his eyes and neck.
Heka, his father’s most trusted envoy—a tall, tailless rat riding a bright blue pillar of ice. She motioned her hands in a series of patterns as she floated passed Horus and out of the cave.
Behind her floated Horus’s gifts; three massive blocks of ice.
Each block of ice carried a creature inside. Pathos the panther. Evers the treefrog. Isolde the python. Remnants of the Animal Kingdom’s Council, their knowledge now taken by the Void. Without their knowledge they had been easy to track and easier to capture.
Horus sneered. “Hello, my gifts.” He chittered as he walked around the ice blocks, tracing them with his claws. “Once The Great One comes, you will be his, and I will be rewarded—”
“I AM ALREADY HERE.”
The voice boomed against the cave, shaking each rat down to their core. Black mist wafted through foliage as a bald man with youthful features and sharp ears floated forward, his yellow khakis ruffling in the wind.
The Void was upon them.
In a flash the gorilla like rat whipped his sickle forward and raced toward the Void at a blinding speed. He slammed the tip of the sickle into the ground, catching it in place, and flung himself in an arcing swing right at the Void’s body.
“No, Ahkenaten!” Horus screeched, too slow to stop him. “Stand down. Now!”
Akhenaten’s sickle sliced the Void from shoulder to belly, lodging in his body with a sickening crunch.
The Void stared at the warrior rat now perched on his sickle’s hilt.
“ALWAYS YOU FIGHT.”
Black mist exploded from the Void’s wound, catching Akhenaten around the neck and flinging him backwards. The Void grabbed the sickle, unlodging it with a swipe. Mist filled his body, healing the wound.
“ALWAYS YOU REFUSE TO LEARN.”
Black mist raced through the air, enveloping each rat in the area. They convulsed, gagging as their air was cut off. Horus smiled in ecstasy as the mist curled around him. Watching his entourage crumble so quickly was simply beautiful.
The Void floated forward, meeting Horus’s eye. There was recognition there. “You are the one with the gift.”
Horus withered under the gaze. Mist poured into his mouth. With his breath waning it was hard to think. Overwhelming. Intoxicating.
The Void stared. “You are not afraid of dying,” the Void said. “I do not understand.” He flicked a hand and the mist rescinded.
Horus coughed as the air returned. “Why would—I be afraid—when I am faced with such beauty?”
The Void floated forward. “That was not a lie.”
“Of course not, oh Great One!” Horus sputtered, seizing the opportunity. I’ve got you now. “You are to be worshiped, not cursed. You are the most high, the greatest of—”
“I know what I am.” The Void flicked a finger. Black mist wrapped around Horus’s snout, shutting him off. “Silence yourself as I think.”
The Void stared at his hands. His face scrunched with frustration. Horus knew that look. When his youngest sister Khufu was born, this was the look she had as she learned.
The Void was acting like a child.
“A child,” the Void said quietly, head turning slowly to meet the rat’s gaze. “You are not wrong. There is much I do not know.”
Horus gasped in terror. He can hear my thoughts? That’s—Horus let his mind go blank, his body limp, clearing himself of desires.
The Void stood up straight, blackened eyes unblinking as he stared. “It is too late for that Horus of the Crumbled Empires, Son of Usir the Conqueror. You are an open quandary under my touch.”
Please do not take my knowledge! Horus thought, eyes squeezed shut. If you can see my memories, then you can see the plans I have! Look at what I can offer! New tears formed form as the fear welled up. I seek only your touch—your blessings. If you can take, maybe you can give!
“Give,” the Void said slowly.
Horus nodded, letting his mind flitter through his plans.
“Now that...is curious.” The Void went silent, his mist-filled eyes searching the air in thought. He nodded slowly. “I would like to try this ‘give’. It will be a new wonder to see.”
The Void nodded, the conclusion drawn. He turned his attention to the ice blocks floating behind them. “And now, to my gifts.” Black mist circled around the ice, tendrils prodding the surface. “Why have you brought me those I have already judged?”
Because, Great One, Horus thought, I thought maybe they deserved harsher punishment for standing against you!
“No,” the Void said. “I have punished them enough.”
But, Great One—
Mist shot through Horus’s orifices, squeezing between the slits of eye and skull.
I understand! I do not question!
The Void tilted his head in thought. “Still...you have presented me with another gift. An idea.” He floated upward, hands raised. Horus’s entourage rose into the air, still captured in mist. “Choose one of your companions to keep. The rest I will take with me to learn.”
Akhenaten! The warrior! I need his strength.
The Void nodded. “Done.” He turned back to the ice blocks. “Now, you three...” The ice melted in a flash, dropping each council member to the ground.
Pathos the panther growled, her nine-foot tail swirling above her body. She turned to Horus, flashing her teeth.
Isolde the python hit the ground with a thud, barely moving. She turned to the grass around her, sniffing at it as she wept.
Evers the tree frog crawled to her and lay his head on her back.
“You who have already received my judgement,” the Void said. “I have an offer for you. As this world ends, would you choose to watch? Or would you seek something more?”
Pathos growled, her attention finally pulled from Horus. “More.”
Isolde whimpered. “Please. My knowledge. Give it back. I need to feel the leaves.”
Evers stroked his webbed hands along her back. “I’m just here for her.”
“Fascinating.” The Void nodded. “Then hear my offer.” Mist washed through the grass, rising from the ground. It blanketed the disgraced Council Members. “I have only two requirements. First, like the rats, I require one of you to come with me, as I must learn.”
Evers stood himself on wobbly, webbed feet. “If I do that,” he said, croaking in his sweet, southern drawl, “then Isolde gets her knowledge back?”
The Void nodded. “And more.”
Evers shrugged. “Then I’m your frog.”
Isolde wept.
“It is done.” The Void flicked his hand forward. Mist erupted around Evers the treefrog, filled his lungs, and lifted him into the air.
“Last,” the Void said, eyes drifting from Horus, to Pathos, to Isolde. “As I give, thus you will return the favor. There are two living who have stolen my gifts, in ways I did not know possible. I can feel them now like distant stars. With them, they carry a book. A knowledge. A soul living within.”
The Void sneered. “You will bring me this book.”
Yes, Great One! Horus thought, holding back his questions.
Pathos grumbled, lowering her eyes. She nodded accordingly.
Isolde only wept.
“Good,” the Void said, raising his hands. “You will be my first heralds. Understand as you die and are born again, this is a gift none have ever received it.” The air shifted behind him, rippling open into a portal. Mist surged forward, covering the entire clearing, splashing against the cave behind them like a wave. “Cherish it in your final moments. Let them be worthy of your creator.”
As mist filled Horus’s mouth, he died with a whimper.
He was reborn with a scream.
The Void smiled. “Now shall we begin again the end of this age.”
High above the outer atmosphere of the planet known as Earth, a black mist swirled around its human vessel, watching the planet spin through this swath of totality. A week had passed since taking the Seeker’s Community, a week since meeting the creature named Horus. The rat was a vile creature, and yet somehow so honest.
He sees me for what I am.
The Son had never felt seen before. The names he’d been given through the cycles were bestowed only out of fear and hatred, bereft of beauty. Ren Ternum, the Tower Forever. Kal’Eh’Dal, the Black Moon Above. Ti Lannandel dex Mitnar. Chaos unseen.
And now the Void.
The Son floated, letting the names wash over him. Emotions flooded, sparked by collected syllables—feelings forbidden so long ago. Father spoke of them as a curse, but Father was wrong, he could see it now. Emotions were a gift.
As his human vessel drifted in space, so did his thoughts. For all his names, none were him. None were as he saw himself.
Father had a name. Elish Himself. It was never spoken, and yet the Son knew it well. The Son stared at his hands, the cracked skin constantly rebuilding.
Do I not deserve the same?
A spark of white bloomed in the Void’s mind. Soft and glowing, it dissipated as soon as it flowered. Suddenly, a language came to him, words no longer living. It was a language the Son knew though he knew not how.
“Eedict Eversal ern omnox,” the Son mouthed to himself. In Prometheus’s tongue, Eedict Eversal ern omnox roughly meant ‘The searching, beautiful Everything’, though the sound of edict did carry its own meaning. Command. Ordinance. Proclamation. Each new word filled him with joy beyond purpose.
Eedict, he thought, placing a hand on his chest.
Such was a name fitting of creation.
The Tragic Tales of Pandora
Book II
“Do it, Derek! You have to do it! There’s no other way!”
- Rai Caelus Agons
From Brath’s Dreamy Journey Journal: Traveling Despite the Darkness, a book of Age VI
—The Animal Kingdom, West Providences and Known Thinkers: A Portrait
Drawn 1992, Art and Illustration by Goddess
1. (Chapter 29)
XXIX
*Watchers note: Though somehow reflected here in Elish Himself’s Bloom, my favorite naming convention is cumbersome. I am switching it for ease. - Brath
29
What if we live in a Superdeterministic universe?
Playlist: Studytime—don’t touch Derek!Atrix: Derek Richard Agons
Through mountains and forests, across plains and deserts, a three-cart train rattled along an abandoned railway through the heart of the United States of America. Wheels screeching and smoke billowing, the little train chugged at a blinding speed. For most Thinkers of the age, the Wildband Express Train meant a Council sanctioned safe trek around the Dead Zones—the human cities where man congregated their lack of knowledge into intellect, commerce, and life. For humans the cities meant safety. For Thinkers the cities meant death.
For Derek Richard Agons it meant he was almost home.
The middle cabin of the train vibrated in a low hum as it rattled along, just like the old timey westerns his dad loved to watch. The passenger cabin was a busted luxury suite fit for the pleated suits and puffy dresses of the past. Two chandeliers clattered along the ceiling. Sunlight bled through the circular windows, the world outside a racing blur through the blown-out wall along the west side of the cabin. A derelict bar complete with busted shelves and a cracked mirror now sat repurposed into a garden. Nuts and fruits grew through the walls behind the bar, the shelves filled with dirt, stem, and leaf.
A cat with fur as black as night smiled wide as a golden thread flipped over a colorful playing card hovering in the air. The card floated down onto a messy discard pile.
“Uno out,” the cat said with a grin. “I win again.”
“You have to be cheating!” Tella said, her body flashing like a hologram, light breaking through her white dress and billowing sunhat. An old book floated over her shoulder, suspended in a light blue flame. Playing cards sat before her on a crystal stand built upon the crusty velvet carpet. She waved her hands through the cards in frustration as the crystal shattered into dust, dropping the cards to the ground. “He has to be cheating!”
“If heeee is I do not know how,” an old coatimundi said. Like a thin raccoon with a longer snout, the coati’s tongue lapped out of his pointed muzzle as he grabbed the cards off the cabin floor. He wore two separate monocles, each a different magnification for his old eyes.
“Again,” Tella grumbled to herself. She flicked her hands and a new crystal stand formed in front of her.
Derek sat back with a sigh, rolling up the sleeves of his worn-out black hoodie. “I’m out!” He threw his cards onto the cabin floor and leapt to his feet. “I’m going to go bug the little monster.”
“Derek,” Tella said, “she is the dragon heir holding the weight of the world on her shoulders. Please stop her a little monster.”
Derek grinned. “I’ll do that when she picks a name.”
“As I have said, she will do that in her time, as all dragons do. Caelus took two years to pick his. The heir before him took—”
“Don’t care!” Derek screamed as he sped off out of earshot, racing across the train cabin. He leapt over benches, landed on tables, right until he tripped over a bench. He squeaked as he fell forward, barely catching himself before his mouth hit the edge of an old metal chair still welded into the wall. With a gasp and a laugh, he threw himself over the final table and landed with a thud, right next to the coolest creature he’d ever met.
A baby dragon.
The dragon sat atop a neatly spread assortment of Derek’s old schoolbooks. Her once dark-grey scales were shifting now to a dark blue. Apparently, all dragons were born this way, with grey scales that turned with age. When the scales found their color, thus the dragon found their wisdom. While it usually took a year more to start showing, somehow the baby dragon’s had turned within a day.
Slender and sleek, her head had a single row of horns down the middle. She leaned forward, sifting through a neatly spread assortment of Derek’s old schoolbooks, her posture perfect. Her wings ran the length of her back, both flittering in thought. Her head bobbed up and down, her attention caught by the one thing Derek never would have guessed; learning.
The little dragon was so obsessed with learning she didn’t notice Derek coming. Music blared from Derek’s old earbuds, now planted firmly in the dragon’s ears. He’d offered his favorite playlist to help her focus, which of course she took as an invitation to steal his phone outright. It only took her an hour to figure out how to use it. Within two she had playlists of own, perfect for study time.
Study time was all she did. By Derek’s count she was on her third round through his schoolbooks with Introductory Physics, 2nd Edition being her favorite. She licked a claw and turned a page, smiling as she traced a finger down the doodles that still lined the words. It felt like another lifetime since Derek had drawn them.
A lifetime before magic.
He waved his hands in front of her.
Blinking, the dragon’s vibrant silver eyes swirled as they dilated, focusing on Derek’s hand. She puffed a small grey cloud of smoke from her nostrils, electricity like static bristling against Derke’s hand.
“Books!” she said, her voice a low song of excitement. “Books, books!” She spun around, holding the science manuscript over her head, before slamming it against Derek’s chest and mashing her claw against a passage about thermodynamics. It wasn’t the first time she tried to get him to learn something, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.
“I told you no learning!” Derek said, pushing the book away in disgust. “I can’t believe you’re a dragon and the first word you ever said was ‘books’.” He scrunched his nose and leaned against the old metal bench he’d almost smashed his mouth on with a groan. “If I wanted to learn I would’ve stayed in school.”
“Books,” the dragon said with a sniff, her intentions clear over their connection. Though she didn’t say words, she didn’t have to. Derek could feel her emotions.
Derek scoffed. “I could too learn if a wanted to.”
“…Books.”
“Because I don’t want to!”
“Books.”
“Oh stop—give me my phone back, it’s my turn.”
The dragon grumbled as she took out the earbuds. She handed them over as slowly as possible. “Books…”
Derek scoffed. “Cartoons aren’t dumb. They calm me.”
With a huff, the dragon spun back around to the old schoolbooks and fanned out her wings in a dome like a fashion, hiding herself within.
“God, you’re a three-year-old,” Derek said with a laugh, putting in his earbuds. “But like, worse, because it’s only been four days. I remember when Robbie used to—”
Derek stopped. Tension coursed through his body as the world around him disappeared. Sound was a distant thing. There was no train, there was no dragon, there was no phone in his hand. Whether the moment was an hour or a second, Derek couldn’t say.
All he could see was his little brother’s smiling face.
Scales brushed against his hand. Derek looked down. The dragon rumbled a soft coo as she rubbed her chin against his hand. She didn’t need to say a thing. They both knew what was next for him.
It’s almost time to say goodbye.
Derek barked a laugh, pulling his hand back and rubbing his thigh. “Anyway, if you’d stop trying to learn so much, I think you’d really enjoy Youtube. Youtube’s got everything.” He put in his earbuds and turned on a tabletop actual play as fast as possible.
The dragon didn’t push it. Instead, she grabbed the book she was working through and dragged it next to Derek, sitting beside him enough that her scales touched his skin. They sat in silence as Derek zoned out and the dragon dove in.
Crammed into the back of an old train cabin, Derek could practically see himself cuddled up against the newborn dragon. The vibrations of the train soothed him, the constant rumbling offering enough movement within his body to help him focus. Youtube videos rolled into more Youtube videos as the final stretch of their journey rolled along the forgotten train tracks. The sun outside disappeared over the rolling hills and trees, blurring the sky into a smeared brown painting.
Derek traced his fingers along his once-broken ankle. His fingers twitched as his mind wandered. It was barely four days ago that he ran himself ragged. Barely four days ago he’d broken his hand trying to stab a dragon with a spear that didn’t exist. Still, for all the fresh scars that ran along his knuckles, it was the ankle he came back to.
The ankle had been broken. The ankle had been healed. Visions of the man once known as Prometheus raced through his mind. Derek’s stomach dropped, twisting within him as memories flashed through his mind like a broken videotape. Youtube could only distract him for so long. No matter how much he tried to drown it out, reality was always pressing.
Derek stopped the video, clicked on the search bar, and typed ‘massive black storm, horizon, phenomena.’
As the page refreshed, an endless array of thumbnails depicting a black storm across the horizon popped up as far as Derek could scroll. Each video was from a different perspective, but each was of the same thing—a massive black cloud high in the sky off the northern shores of California. The storm was without rain or thunder, without wind or lightning, the atmosphere seemingly unaffected by the gathering blackness. Many said the storm was impossible, and yet still it was there.
Derek scrolled through the list of videos, clicking on one he hadn’t seen yet. It was a theory on the end of the world, a biblical breakdown explaining how the storm related to stories told long ago. Derek barely listened. All he cared about was the shaky footage of swirling black mist.
All he cared about was the Void.
No matter how many theories he’d listened to, no one had gotten it right. No one would see the Void coming. Derek’s toes wiggled out of control, the movement usually enough to calm him.
It did nothing for the dread twisting his stomach.
If I hadn’t been so stupid, this wouldn’t have happened.
The Void was back, and it was all Derek’s fault.
“Though they see they do not perceive.”
Derek jumped as Tella whispered in his ear somehow through the earbuds. Light flashed as she appeared beside him, now tall enough to stand on his shoulder and stare down at his phone.
“I told you to stop doing that, Tella,” Derek said, swiping at her body. “It’s creepy!”
Tella giggled, her vision flashing as Derek’s fingers passed through it. She faded from his shoulder and reappeared six-inches tall and walking along the crushed velvet table beside them. “Anything new?”
Derek shook his head, thumbing through the search results again. “Just different angles. The Void’s disappeared.”
Tella nodded. “For now. But I can assure you it is doing everything it can to regain its former power and more.”
Tella’s stared up at him.
Her eyes flicked to the dragon.
She stared at him again.
Derek clicked off his phone. “Please don’t.”
“I have to. We are on a timeline, Derek. With the Void comes a promise of destruction. We must curate your bond. Every day the dragon grows more and more into her own. She is already speaking faster than any I have seen before. It won’t be long before her avitheer truly manifests, along with—”
“No,” Derek said. “I already told you. No magic. And no…old and cool ways to talk about it. Not yet.” He clenched his jaw as he stared at his blank phone. The phone was shaking. He was gripping so hard he couldn’t keep it still. “I have to deal with my family first.”
“As you have said.” Tella stared unblinking. “Just know that every moment you do not learn is a moment lost.”
“I can’t, Tella,” Derek said, his nostrils flaring. He dug a nail into his fingertip, the pain distracting him from the tears. “Not until they’re safe. Not until they can’t worry about me anymore.”
“Derek…” Tella said, her voice soft. “As I’ve said, you do not have to do this.”
“Stop,” Derek said, his voice flat. “We’ve talked about this.”
“But—”
“No,” Derek snapped. “I can’t have them wondering every day what happened to me. Do you know what they came home to? My car gone. The house was all broken from a magic animal fight. I know my mom. She’ll be looking for me until the day she dies. There’s no resolution in that. There’s no peace in that!”
Derek leaned his head against the train wall. “Trampoline cat says it won’t hurt them. He said once it starts, whoever thinks of me, I’ll just like...disappear. Fade. Isn’t that better for everyone? They can’t cry about what they don’t remember.”
Tella was silent. Derek knew she was staring at him. That’s what she always did at the end of these conversations. She leaned forward to speak again but stopped as the dragon sat up calmly. She met Tella’s eye and softly nodded no.
Derek pretended not to notice.
“Forgive me for pushing,” Tella said, bowing her head. “You have the world on your shoulders. Thus, I will respect your wishes.” She scowled, looking over her shoulder. “If you will excuse me, I have to go kick a cat’s ass in Uno.” She disappeared in a burst of light.
As the dragon laid her head on Derek’s lap, he caught himself breathing again. With a soft grunt, he pet the dragon behind her ears.
“Deeeereeek,” she said, her voice elongated as she formed the word for the first time. Her voice sang as the pitch blended together. There was something so soft about her tone.
Derek gasped. “You…you said my name! That’s two words and it’s not even been a week!”
“Youuuu…” she said, grunting as she blinked in thought. Her eyes swirled with a bold electricity as she chewed on the new sound. She breathed in deep and tapped on Derek’s phone.
“Youtuuube, Derek.”
“Oh...no.” Derek snorted. “Your third word is YouTube? I feel like that’s wrong somehow.”
She smiled sweetly. “Books!”
Derek smiled. “Yeah. We can Youtube.”
Derek tapped his phone and turned on the beautiful sounds of worlds more colorful than this. Worlds where the Void didn’t exist. Worlds of gaming, worlds of cartoons, worlds of whatever he desired.
As the train rattled along, the dragon cuddled his chest like a new puppy. Derek’s mind numbed as he sank into a phone-screen world where he wasn’t about to erase his family’s memory of him forever.
2. (Chapter 30)
30
Brother Z’s Wangs
Playlist: Derek Life Learning—don’t touch Derek!Atrix: Derek Richard Agons
The next day, the train screeched to a halt.
“Destination arrival!” An old and crusty armadillo, barely two feet long with stubby tail and a set of scarfs wrapped around his body, poked his head through an opening in the roof. Spit dribbled over his leathery lips as smiled. “The Wildband Express Track Company thanks you on behalf of the Council for using services rendered for world saving help. We are as close to the Death Zone as we dare, so this is our stop. Either way, we welcome you to Tennessee!”
“We thank you, Grub,” Tella said. “You have done us a great service. And to you, Hub.” She smiled towards the coatimundi, now working in his garden behind the abandoned bar. “We would not have gotten here so fast without you.”
“It’s the job,” Hub said, poking his head out behind a growing patch of tomato.
“Of course,” Tella said with a smile. “Either way, we appreciate it.”
Hub stared. “Why?”
“Finally!” Derek leapt over a bench, landing with a thud. Tennis shoes tied, ripped jeans at the ready, black hoodie unzipped, and backpack strapped over his shoulders, he held out his arm.
The dark blue dragon flipped through the air, her wings bursting out to catch herself. She floated down and landed on Derek’s shoulder as she wrapped her tail around his arm.
“Youtube!” She roared in excitement.
Tella stopped, turning to stare. “What did she just say?”
“Youtube!” the dragon sang proudly. She blinked, electricity sparkling in her eyes. “Telll..uhhh. Tella.” The dragon bowed her in reverence. “Youtube, Tella.”
Derek curtsied. “Youtube, Tella!”
Tella stared. Her body flashed through a spectrum of colors, the light vibrant and proud. “You are...speaking. This is unprecedented, dragon heir!”
The dragon stood tall on Derek’s shoulders, beating on her chest. “I…am…drrraaaaagon!”
“Hell yeah you are,” Derek said, holding his fist out.
Scale to skin, she bumped his fist back.
“As fun as this is, we need to get a move on,” the cat said, walking to the open wall of the train. “The Void’s not waiting for us to learn words.” With a flick of his tail a dilapidated book floated over to him, covered in a roaring blue flame. He’d been on book duty ever since the Battle at Dragon Mountain. After everything he’d done, it was the least he could do.
Derek stared at him. His stomach twisted as the cat caught his gaze. Derek looked away immediately.
The dragon growled softly as Derek’s sudden stress washed over their connection. The stronger the emotion, the easier it was for her to feel it.
Caaaat, she thought. Behind the word was a fury, a rumbling like thunder deep in the distance.
Her claws tightened on his shoulder as she shook in rage.
I know, Derek thought. But he’s better where we can see him.
Cat, she agreed coolly, her intentions flooding beyond the word. Ever since the day they’d bonded, the dragon wanted a confrontation, some acknowledgement of what the cat had done. He deserved to be held accountable.
Derek dug his nails into his palm. I can’t. Not yet.
Wheeeeeeeen?
Never.
Wheen?
I don’t know.
She poked him in the face. When?
Derek sighed. Wow, you’re on, like, word seven and already I need you to shush.
“Me first I guess.” The cat leapt out of the train cart, landing soundlessly on the leaf filled forest floor.
Everyone followed behind. The underbrush crunched as Derek landed on it, stomping as hard as he could. The dragon leapt off Derek’s shoulder, following his lead. Tella floated through the trees, letting the sunlight wash through her.
The cat walked to the nearest tree and sniffed the air, his tail twisting as he tried the elements. Golden threads wove through the atmosphere, the wind twisting around his will.
The air shimmered.
The air folded.
Dere squinted at it.
Something was...there. Something more. Something unseen.
Derek blinked.
For a moment, he swore he could see hovering black beads.
Books? The dragon pushed at it his shins. She cocked an eyebrow at him in question, head nodding towards the group. Everyone was staring at him.
“Sorry, what?” he said, gasping for air. He grabbed his chest, blinking rapidly as he searched his thoughts.
“I said we have a four hour walk ahead of us,” Tella said, floating to the tree line. “We better get going.”
Derek scoffed. “Four hours? That doesn’t sound like adventure, that sounds like walking.”
“Walking is adventure, kid,” the cat said. “You ready?”
Derek breathed in deeply and stepped to the nearest tree, staring down at a green-brown mesh of hill and forest below. “Not really.”
With a slap of the bark, he raced down the hill and as far away from the conversation as possible.
As the harsh green-brown forest faded behind them, a city skyline glistened on the horizon. Tall metal buildings scraped the sky, poking through a low level of billowing clouds. Sunlight sparkled along the building’s edges, the tallest building fashioned with two pointing towers. They looked like the ears of a superhero mask.
Derek ran forward and stopped at an old playground carved into an overlooking hill, high enough to get a grasp of the city limits. Gravel stretched in a circle around the playground, three derelict benches lining the edges. Below and beyond, highways buzzed along in a constant stream of vehicles, accompanied by the constant sounds of squealing breaks and revving engines.
Nashville.
Derek was actually back. He’d never seen his hometown from this angle. Most of his life he’d spent at home huddled away in the dark garage that once held so much mystery. Now, the mystery was gone.
A gunshot rang through his memories. White scales, skull bits, and blood splashed in his mind.
Now I’m just the reason Caelus is dead.
The dragon landed on top of the old metal jungle gym beside him, head outstretched as she stared in awe. “Nash…villllleee,” the dragon said.
Tella floated into the air, hovering next to the dragon. “Magnificent.”
Derek pushed the memories away. He turned to Tella. “Is this really your first time seeing a human city?”
“A city of metal, yes,” Tella said, appearing ten feet in the air to float next to the dragon. “Caelus and I took a couple excursions to Rome back in the day.”
“Rome?” Derek gasped. “That’s so old!”
“And rudimentary compared to this,” Tella said. “The metal work, the invention...this almost rivals some of my time’s great cities! Like the dragon capitol The Marvel of the Roost. Oh, how I wish you could have seen it! To think humans could build such things without avitheer.”
“Avitheer?” the cat asked.
“It is how the animals of my time, the Thinkers as you call them, explained their pull on the unseen essences.”
“Ah, you mean knowledge.”
“No, I mean avitheer.”
Derek’s nostrils flared. “Please. No magic.”
“Faaaamily…first,” the dragon said softly.
Derek smiled his bravest smile. He knew it was a toothy grin, more awkward than heroic, but still he did his best. He turned to the cat and dug his fingernails into his palms to keep himself steady.
“You sure this whole erasing thing won’t hurt them?”
“The only one it hurts is you, kid.”
“But like, won’t all my stuff be there? Like there will still be pictures of me. And my school will probably call or something.”
The cat tilted his head. “If you don’t want to do this—”
“Answer me,” Derek snapped.
The cat blinked, stopping himself. “Well, uh, yes, your stuff will stay around. So will the pictures of you. But once my threads have taken hold, they just won’t perceive it anymore. If it triggers a thought of you, it will just...disappear.”
Derek nodded, wind ruffling his hair as he turned back to the city. Without another word, he held out his arm. The dragon landed on it, her head held tall.
She was ready for this.
Derek knew he would never be.